I just feel the need too. Honestly.
The more I spend time with CC the more I like him. I'm probably thinking too deep into it right now. What if I get heart broken all over again (probs will)?. I for one can't handle being in a relationship right now. But that thought shifts when I am with him. I really want him to be my boyfriend - but not now. I'm almost certain he's happy with that answer. With my first ever boyfriend I always thought it was Love - what we had. Because I felt we were so perfect for each other. I had a friend ask me "If he so suddenly decides to want you back (I'm not stupid I know he wouldn't) .. would you say yes." With no reluctance I immediately said "No". This question needs to stop popping up because it's quite annoying. I believe there are reasons for everything that happens in life. I constantly remind myself of this. If it wasn't for him to act up right now - and in such a drastic manner - I wouldn't have left him. I would still be there beside him. I believe that the timing for all this too happen was played out just perfectly.
Honestly, if I hadn't felt such a deep cut from the break up I wouldn't have stayed home all day crying and then having a friend come over and decide to take me out. If she hadn't taken me out - due to that depressed state I was in - I wouldn't have met or spoken to CC. That would've killed me. I'm so truly and jenguyenle happy to have met him.
I've thought thoroughly about it -and if worst comes to worst I will be ready. I mean it. I already got myself into this. I know our lives are going to conflict somewhere down the track - in 3 months? 4? maybe less YEARS EVEN. I will be ready. No more going emo mode - thinking I want them back. I've been through this and I know - there is always a recovery bend. :) ALSO YES I know we aren't together. But seriously don't expect me to take it lightly when you leave me :'(
I'm in the 'want' stage. The more I see him. The more I want him. I'm liking him beyond the friendship point. Not seeing each other even for 2 days is enough to drive me insane. We are definitely beyond liking each other as friends. I mean I don't have that need to see my closer girl/guy friends - and not seeing them doesn't kill me. HAHA. The need to resist each other when around mutual friends. It's such a painful process. :'( It's like going near a "DO NOT TOUCH" sign. OF COURSE YOU WANT TO FUCKING TOUCH IT (unless its like poison and stuff - I will obey the sign). He gives very insightful talks about life. I've told him my life primarily revolved around love. Because for the longest time of my life that's all I knew. He was the same thing - he himself made the biggest decision to shift away from that. Yeah I admit. I hate it when I see other girls around him - and really, the first thing that jumps to mind - is "FUCK THIS SHIT" I walk away whenever I can. Unless I know them - or learn that these people are his close girl friends then of course I would jump to a conclusion and think the worst. I never mean to make him jealous. When he interrogates me on guys and all I always joke around - I'm assuming he takes it to the heart. I still find it silly he got jealous of me being on another guy. Then again I have no reason to argue - my mind was straight the whole time. :'( SORRY LOVE!!!! I'll never do it again! :'(
I'm single right now - I feel scared and hope no one likes me as much as you do right now. Just to confirm I don't like anyone else okay love? I have no intention of venturing out and finding someone. Right now feels perfect.
I think I'm speaking on behalf of myself - hopefully he feels the same. Right now - we should just enjoy every bit of each other and what we are doing. In 1 or 2 ..or even 5 years if something happens then I'd know this was how it was meant to be. The future is so daunting right now for me I'd like to believe I have all the answers. I want to avoid any mistakes that could jeopardise what we have right now. But I know I know - learn from your mistakes blah blah. Hate to admit it I really don't want to make any mistakes. I'm just so scared of that right now. I don't know how I'd feel to lose him as a friend. I find it a godsend that I can easily open up to him. I'm sorry if you find it hard to trust me. My words change - either because I forget what I tell you or I get it mixed up with other situations. I trust you 100%. Ignore me sometimes - I do trust you. I just think of situations when you ask me. Like of course I don't want you to go near other girls. But whatever - you should be able to. So just don't tell me if you do. I the same. I should never tell you if I HUG/KISS/TOUCH/HOLD/FUCK another guy right? (last one should be taken out AHAH - ANNA VIRGIN FIST BUMP) .. Alfie I know you are reading this - you disgust me. -____-. WE BUMPED YOU. OUR VIRGIN HANDS. VIRGIN. LESBIAN VIRGIN HANDS. MY VIRGIN HANDS. VIRGIN. VIRGIN. HAh. VIRGIN. Okay I'll stop saying VIRGIN.
Oh I told CC what "CC" means - cause he wouldn't have figured it out. HAHA he said it was lame. Well FUCK YOU ;)
If I could I want to see him everyday!! I saw him today. FUCK MY LIFE. The biggest scare - and we just laughed it off. Seriously! Never again. Maybe. For you I'd consider it... BUT SERIOUSLY! Time was very limited today ------ I only saw him for a bit. KISS* I gave him some CC HAHA GET IT CC?!?! I GAVE YOU CC!! YOU KNOW ORIGINAL CC. CC OMG ITS ANOTHER MEANING TO YOUR NAME.
EXCUSE ME while I go kill myself for being so hilarious. Okay. stop. :)
The weather today was so shitty. I just wanted to lay in bed and hug ourselves to sleep. LIKE - I would've 'hugged' the fuck out of him - I'm passionate about my hugs. HAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAAHHA ;)
Okay I need to stop cracking sex jokes. BUT ITS SO FUNNY!..
I JUST HAD SEXXXXX- AND IT FELT SO GOOD! A WOMAN LET ME PUT MY PENIS INSIDEE OFF HURRRRRR ~
On a side-note. I sat outside my brothers room eating rice and singing "GOT RICE?!?!?" HAHAHA
I LIKE CC -
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