For the past few months I feel like I'm slowly losing a battle to my mind. I project happiness and smiles but internally I'm deteriorating and breaking apart. I want to be genuinely happy and I'm so worried for what I will do and for what I am afraid of not doing.
I want to smile without doing it for the sake of others. I want John to not bear that burden. I don't want to see my best friend cry ever again. I want to just disconnect and try and find a way to reconnect. I want to be alone. As long as everyone can tell I'm happy, then I will be fine.
Life can be unfair. For the time being Eileen, just breathe. Don't let them know you are slowly giving up.
Just post things that remind you, you have not changed. Sorry if I make the wrong decisions.
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