Final love.

Thank you for holding my head up while I drown (even when you can't swim). I don't think anyone has ever given me so much support. I love you and I want to live that future you tell me we will one day share. Sorry for rarely showing appreciation. Sorry for being weak. My heart will always be with you. 

Bali (23/11/15 - 30/11/15)

This is just a post of my exciting holiday that I was lucky enough to spend with John. Before our holiday even started we were interrupted with problems we had to face when we returned. The main thing being, we both had deferred exams. I had to do 3 exams and he had to do 1. So we thought, fo sho' we are totally going to study on the plane. Nup, no, nope, we did not study whatsoever. It was so sad, this week long holiday was planned so we would not be affected by any stress as it was that holiday you create to remove yourself from stress.

Long story short, John and I were lucky to buy Jetstar tickets early Easter for $480 including food - RETURN! SCORE! In all honesty it was am impulse buy. We both had just returned from a major month trip and we pretty much drove ourselves into the lake again. haha

We stayed in Ubud for 3 nights and Seminyak for 3 nights.
I can not tell you how beautiful and amazing and relaxing it was. Cheap and affordable and most of the time of amazing quality (this is me talking about food). It felt like we had a brunch experience every single day.

I can not say how much I love John. He is the most amazing person I've met. Without him I would be so lost, literally... he knows his directions. I fucking did jackshit LOL


Highlights
- waking up to nature (jks)
- the 'personal' pool .. ahuehue
- the food. I ate mi goreng everywhere I went
- the hotel 'Uma Karan' . Holy hell. Beautiful.
- John's duty free discount. I did damage but only $200 worth of damage? Does not even make sense. Thats how crazy cheap it was.
- Showering in the open. I felt so exposed.
- daily frangipanis
- getting someone elses breakfast by mistake thinking it was complimentary (we got free breakfast in our package anyways)
- finally getting my tattoo

Lowlights
- the frog incident. I cried so hard that night
- the gecko incident I cried just as hard that night too
- some dodgy taxi drivers.
- the mozzies.

Here are many photos to provide an insight into our wonderful adventure together.

  This place was all for ourselves. Sooo In love.

                                                           Cantika Spa

Ma cutie :D

Frangipanis all day err day

  Make up free days

I do not want to ask for help.

For the past few months I feel like I'm slowly losing a battle to my mind. I project happiness and smiles but internally I'm deteriorating and breaking apart. I want to be genuinely happy and I'm so worried for what I will do and for what I am afraid of not doing.

I want to smile without doing it for the sake of others. I want John to not bear that burden. I don't want to see my best friend cry ever again. I want to just disconnect and try and find a way to reconnect. I want to be alone. As long as everyone can tell I'm happy, then I will be fine.

Life can be unfair. For the time being Eileen, just breathe. Don't let them know you are slowly giving up.

Just post things that remind you, you have not changed. Sorry if I make the wrong decisions.