Saved draft. Early 20s Eileen, I am judging!

I get an idea of what was going on? But laughing internally. 20 year old EILEEN! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? YOUR LIFE DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND GUYS.
I posted this to have a laugh at. So please join and read along. I'm guessing something reminded me of the pain and I had to voice it somewhere back then. CRINGING ARE WE? I AM TOO!

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So these couple of days, I've seemingly relapsed into that horrid state. It was my decision to walk into this mess again. I knew from the moment that I spoke to her that she would bring this pain back. I'm not going to deny it. Curiosity got the best of me. I went through a whole year not knowing. Not knowing anything that had happened. Not knowing whether if he was healthy, doing well in uni, how his life was.. just everything! I actually feel sad even voicing this part of myself out. Because why should I care for someone who didn't. But you know what - I do care, well I did.

Up until July, one of my closest friends told me something that I thought was just so amazing. I honestly don't have the words to voice what I had found out. It slightly placed some respect back, which I had lost for him after what he had done. I backed off basically. I do however, know that I let go because I realised he had changed. I stopped thinking about it. I carried on with my life. I was happy again. No, I wasn't - I was content. I was able to smile without force. I was able to have fun. So much of me had just been taken away from me. I just got back to my old self. It took a while but I proved I could do it not for myself, but for my friends. The ones who sat there and heard my cries. I can honestly say I hated how I put them through that. I hated how we'd go out and I'd just drag down a situation because I let it get to me.

Right now, it kills me to know how it felt. To still know how it still feels. I question why this is still hurting after so long. Yet again, I question why I didn't feel this in the months I did let it go. I know this is just a momentary thing. Hopefully.

I know I did let go of the pain though. From the beginning I cried 3 months straight I'd confide in a friend who eventually became my close friend because of this. I spoke to her almost every single time about this issue when I went out with her. To always sit next to her in her car and cry. Honestly the pain was unbearable. It hurt... it really did. One day it was I who prompted myself to just let go. Stop thinking about it. After that, whenever she and I went out I never mentioned him. Ever. I was happy again. I questioned her "Jenny*, I know stopped talking about him? am I wrong? 'cause I know I did" Jenny agreed. I had stopped. I never spoke about him point on. Just why is this happening now? Why am I feeling this pain again. I did so well. I did. I don't deserve this again.

Meet John (Minh-Tu)

I feel like I've had a lot happen in the last 3 years. It's such a shame I abandoned this blog. I think the last time I gave it attention when I was still crying over R and went through that peak stage when you want to reassure yourself that everything will be okay.I just double checked my previous blog posts to confirm that. Yup, a very bad time for Eileen.

I wish I could say more has changed but really, I guess the biggest and greatest thing I've had happen since that is that I finally found a person who has made me really happy .Part of me wishes I could have gone back and write early posts of how we met so i can cringe about it in the current time. But better late than never right?

We met because - I was seeing this guy named A. Thought I liked him, saw potential thought we were exclusive. Fell into a stupid trap because he was hot. No Eileen, NO. Decided, man.. I'm single I do whatever the hell I want.I remember my thought at the time I met Anthony was 'Well, since Alex and I aren't exclusive I will just flirt with other guys'..

If Anthony never got my number - I would have never met John.

Hrmm actually no.. I technically met John through Cindy (at a basketball game). He said he was tipsy. I was attracted not interested.

I thought he was 18 because he looked so YOUNG!!!

This post is like a summary of eileen's failed relationships and detailed idea of my life at that point in time. I don't want to forget these memories.

THROUGH A SERIES OF NOT RELATED EVENTS. I got invited to Anthony's 21st where I met John and spoke to him. Thanks to us going to the same Uni, Macquarie! Yeah, yeah!

"HEY, AREN'T YOU CINDY'S FRIEND?"

I have shared so many wonderful moments with this beautiful human. I hope in the near future I can share more photos and adventures that I have experienced with him.

We have been on countless holidays together. I shall put up a Malaysia, HongKong and Thailand post. We are leaving for Bali in less than 2 months! I can't wait.

We have been together for 3 years now. We recently decided we needed an anniversary date. 11/07/2015. We've been seeing each other since 2013 and he never asked me to be his gf (he did once, but in the most awkward place and time so i said no).

I'm so happy. I dated my ex for 6 years and he has never met my parents in the flesh. This guy has met my family, won their hearts and still killing it with them now. I love it!
His mother just asked me a few days ago to marry him. How funny right? His mummah asked me to marry him on his behalf. I said 'YES' LOL. So as of current time we are somehow engaged? He didn't say no. In two years time, we will be married. Bookmarked.

LOVEILEEN x