My brother and I. We were discussing about my health. He's happy to know I eat properly again.. as in regular meals throughout the day (I'm still vegetarian). Which reminds me I REALLY NEED TO GET IRON PILLS. We were comparing our stomachs in my mirror. He works out excessively, whereas I cheat. I forgot to mention between the middle of 2011 I became a regular swimmer. I realised that, that was a great workout but my arms were becoming too manly LOLOLL The reason why I ultimately fell out of that routine.
I had this horrible mindset last year that I needed to achieve my desired weight/size before I can cut back on the routine of working out excessively. It kind of worried friends around me because they were saying that I was perfect the way I was due to the fact that I had achieved 'skinny'. In all honesty, I wasn't outside looking in. So I didn't know to what extent how true their words were.
Rebecca : "You hear but you don't listen Eileen"
I need a resolution this year. I'm still yet to decide what it is. I think something of it should relate to me listening to people for once LOL
So I met this guy named Phil. He's a major idiot. He saw this photo and said
"FUARK BRO, LOOK AT YOUR ARMS bigger than mines, but you look good now, but what the fuck? that's not you?"
LOLOLOL Alan kept laughing at his remarks :( I was cut and offended but he reassured me that his words like "bro" had lightened the insults he threw at me.
_____
A POST I HAD WRITTEN A FEW WEEKS BACK (which kind of relates to my post now)
I went through a wonderful holiday with wonderful people. This holiday I share the same thing.. just with a different group of people. I miss this group that was formed around this time last year. I miss those guys. "why do all good things come to an end?" It's okay though. I loved that this time last year I had so much fun :) But that's just life. People move on for their own convenience. I'm glad that everyone seems so content with where they are standing in the present time.
Change for me this year proved to be the most extreme in all the cases I've had. Change meant change in appearance - well definitely a physical appearance thing. Which in turn changed who I was as a person too. I battled the worst esteem issue this year. I've had episodes like every single other girl out there - but somehow this case was worse. Never in my life have I lost so much weight in such a short span of time - battled bulimia - battled the path of leading into Anorexia. I've taken those mistakes and learnt from it. It was a silly phase that I deeply regret. Sacrificing my health because I mentally thought I was disgusting and unattractive. In all honesty, I sold myself out. Definitely, I went through high school always battling this appearance thing but never EVER did I ever let it affect me. I use to shrug it off and think nothing of it because I was happy in my skin.
Initially this weight loss thing was a good thing because my clothing wasn't fitting. But it became sad when I realised the majority of my clothing is big sized. I had to sell off half my wardrobe this year or donate it to charity. Dropping from a size 12 to an 8. Never striked me as anything that I was a size 12 at one point. This realisation came about when Susan came to my house and wanted to borrow clothing.. Both of us looked at half of my wardrobe in disbelief. I never knew. It's one of those things that you just don't concentrate on, and when you do.. you end up being so surprised :O
I feel worried that my health is still declining. But I've picked myself up thanks to those who have been there for me. I'm slowly gaining weight again. It's hard - but I'm getting there. I think I failed to mention that I'm a vegetarian at the moment. I haven't eaten any sorts of meats in almost 5 months now? :)
The most serious thing that happened to me was letting go. The removal of something that just developed. Something I wasn't sure I was ready for - perhaps. Too much responsibility though. (b__b) Trent.
I've finally let go of a sad thought. In saying that, I did actually let go of it once, just it returned after something happened. I removed the most hurtful factor out of my life thanks to someone who believed I should know the truth. This girl really helped me, she confirmed almost all my thoughts during the time I was sad as she was a direct link to the factor that had caused me so much heartbreak last year. I was deeply disappointed in the person who had hurt me because so much had happened. I tried to help that person who hurt me as much as I could despite having people supposedly take sides. At the end of the day. My mind is cleared. It doesn't hurt me anymore. I'm happy. I'm happy that even after what happened a friendship formed. A friendship that has carried me through the tears throughout the year. I'm so appreciative of who I have there. I'm not ready for anything to walk into my life again.
I'm happy that I got to learn who was there for me. I may have lost a few friends in the beginning of this but learning that I have friends who cared for me even in a time where I didn't talk to them means a lot to me.
x eileen
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