OVERWHELMED

I am truly and deeply overwhelmed right now.

Yeah this year was a bad start for me. I lost two of the closest girls (R & S) I could always turn to. Luckily I reconciled with R recently. But the other - I was more afraid to approach or talk to. Only because I feared she wouldn't have forgiven me. I've never had a fall-out with her before. I've only ever annoyed her to the fullest extent - which is bad. haha

In all honesty, the argument and distance we kept was because of me. I had more reason to apologise to her to fix it with her. Yet I was scared. This becomes my deepest regret. I should've apologised to her sooner. We didn't speak to each other since February.

She started a conversation with me tonight. I was in tears reading what she wrote to me. She's one of the very few friends who genuinely care for me and I the same to her.

I was overwhelmed to know she always questioned how I was going and was happy to know I was happy. She even told me she had to ask others - and that she felt a bit desperate trying to find out. I have never had a person in my life do that for me. For that I am so appreciative of her. Only because that's what a true friend would do. Despite the obstacles in front. Just I am lost on words. I didn't know there was someone in life that could care for me so much that they would cried whenever I was in pain. I feel so bad right now. Learning this from her and remembering what she use to do for me as a friend. I cried even more LOL

I kept my distance from her because I believed that everything she had going on right now was what she wanted. She seemed so genuinely happy and I believed that was because I wasn't there to be a burden. Learning that she was probably just as miserable as I was quite shocking. I naturally assumed a lot of things just based on what I saw on facebook/twitter. I missed her so much.

I cried in the period we didn't talk. I never ever cry over friendship problems. I cried because losing her as a friend meant a lot to me. I honestly thought after that major fallout she had walked out of my life completely. I would've never wanted that ever.

I'm glad things are sorted out now. They aren't completely mended. A lot to catch up on. A lot to talk about.