What really sucked for me during High school was I became everything I hated. I never wanted to change how I look (srsly) It's funny because even though I knew I wasn't one of the girls who were naturally so gorgeous - I was envious yet, I never wanted to be like that. I was so happy that throughout my early years I was the quiet one. Never stood out. I was a tomboy. A major one of that. Completely selling myself out when I was in year 8? It's funny because I remember around that time that's when I became a total clown. As in I could crack jokes and people would laugh. I can own up to the fact that I was decently sized at that age. My weight has always fluctuated throughout high school. I had a boyfriend whom I honestly would not see on months end cause I couldn't. I was that tight curfew bound girl who obeyed her parents completely. I would stay home and watch TVB shows while studying and doing work while everyone else gained a social life. I was the girl who walked around the house in PJ's all day. For that matter - Pjs that left no imagination whatsoever because I was so afraid of my dad judging me. I wore clothing that was 2 sizes bigger than me because I always thought I was fat. I hated how in year 10 I spoke to someone on msn for him to tell me something that made me change myself completely. Something a guy should never say to a girl. Something that made me starve myself to become skinny. Something I regret doing because I became sick. I fainted at school because of what he said. For that - I thank him? Ironic as it is - I still talk to him. Even he's surprised by how much I've changed.
I am now 20 years old. Looking back on this and laughing a bit. Because. I didn't - wouldn't - couldn't even begin to believe this is where I would be now. I feel like I've lived such a crazy life. Yet, no one even knows half of it - they probably wouldn't even believe it's me whose lived such a life. I've had a boyfriend since the end of year 7. I've gained and lost so many friends. I had my heart broken horribly at the beginning of this year. I've had people always trying to catch up with me - and overwhelmingly it becomes impossible. I have found true friends - and left ones that hurt me. I was that sad person who sadly found it impossible to let go of my ex - despite the pain he put me through. Right now I sit here proud that I've let go and walked away. Thanks to the person who hurt me at the beginning of this year, I realise there are people out there whom I can trust and start a new chapter with.
I'll let you know something funny :
I was the girl who.. promised herself that she wouldn't get a boyfriend until university was finished. I was the girl who promised herself that I would never dye my hair. I was the girl who promised that I would never get piercings (even though it looked cool) I was the girl who thought SAM was a great idea. I was the girl who had a pure mind. I was the girl who believed that having a BF wasn't a big deal. . I was basically all rounder innocent. I mean I literally deleted a guy off my msn list because he asked me do I do one night stands? as a joke.
Believe it. That's me in year 10. I was so chubby LMFAO
This is me in year 7. believe the tomboy phase now?
Hella unnattractive. But yes.
Year 10 Eileen Vs Today's Eileen (literally took a photo just now for purpose of comparison). I've hit a bad weight lost point. I'm not pro Anno. Just I'm sitting on 48Kgs and I'm 160cm height. A month ago when I went to check I was a healthy 56Kgs. So I lost too much in a short time. Dropped 2 sizes. So i need to fix that up. I seriously hate it when people tell me to eat. I do eat. Even though half of my friends think I starve myself. I do and don't. I never mentioned I'm vegetarian now. So food options are so limited :( sigh. Apart from that. I hate myself for letting appearances get the best of me. I am still partly grateful I'm still the same person. The day a person stops calling me 'lame' is the day I realise change has happened.
WHICH IT WONT.
